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After these “horror stories”
I think that a little bit of light relief is called for………enjoy!
.
11) Humour of the month.
MECHANIC VS. SURGEON.....
A
mechanic was removing a cylinder head from the motor of a
Harley,
when he spotted a world-famous heart surgeon in his
shop.
The heart surgeon was waiting for the service manager
to
come take a look at his bike. The mechanic shouted across
the
garage, "Hey Doc can I ask you a question?"
The
famous surgeon, a bit surprised, walked over to the
mechanic
working on the motorcycle.
The
mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and
asked,
"So Doc, look at this engine. I also can open hearts,
take
valves out, fix'em, put in new parts and when I finish
this
will work just like a new one. So how come I get a
pittance
and you get the really big money, when you and I
are
doing basically the same work?"
The
surgeon paused, smiled and leaned over, and whispered to
the mechanic..... "Try doing it
with the engine running!
AMUSING TRUE EXCUSES BY
SOME AMERICAN EMPLOYEES FOR MISSING WORK - As recorded by
the personnel depts. of
several large companies (who have to remain anonymous).
“Severe
constipation has made me a walking time bomb”.
“The
dog ate my car keys. We're going to hitchhike to the
vet”.
“When
I got up this morning I took two laxatives in addition
to
my Prozac. I can't get off the john, but I feel good
about
it”.
“I
set half the clocks in my house ahead an hour and the
other
half back an hour Saturday and spent 18 hours in
some
kind of space-time continuum loop, reliving Sunday
(right
up until the explosion). I was able to exit the
loop
only by reversing the polarity of the power source
exactly
e*log(pi) clocks in the house while simultaneously
rapping
my dog on the snout with a rolled up Times.
Accordingly,
I will be in late, or early”.
“My
stigmata's acting up”.
“I
can't come in to work today because I'll be stalking
my
previous boss, who fired me for not showing up for
work.
OK?”
“I
am stuck in the blood pressure machine down at the Food
Giant”.
“I
just found out that I was switched at birth. Legally,
I
shouldn't come to work knowing my employee records
may
now contain false information”.
“The
psychiatrist said it was an excellent session. He
even
gave me this jaw restraint so I won't bite things
when
I am startled”.
“I
prefer to remain an enigma”.
“I
can't come to work today because the EPA has
determined
that my house is completely surrounded by
wetlands
and I have to arrange for helicopter
transportation”.
“I
am converting my calendar from Julian to Gregorian”.
“I
am extremely sensitive to a rise in the interest
rates”.
“I
refuse to travel to my job in the District until
there
is a commuter tax. I insist on paying my fair
share”.
“I've
used up all my sick days...so I'm calling in
dead!”
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There
was an inebriated driver who was pulled up by the
police.
When the cop opened the door, the driver fell out.
"YOU'RE
DRUNK!" exclaimed the police officer.
"Thank
Goodness for that!" said the drunk, "I thought the
steering
had gone."
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BIRD LOVER.....
Each
evening bird lover Tom stood in his backyard, hooting
like
an owl - and one night, an owl finally called back to
him.
For
a year, the man and his feathered friend hooted back
and
forth. He even kept a log of the "conversation"...
Just
as he thought he was on the verge of a breakthrough in
interspecies
communication, his wife had a chat with her
next
door neighbour.
"My
husband spends his nights ... calling out to owls," she
said.
"That's
odd," the neighbour replied. "So does my husband!"
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STRONG
YOUNG MAN.....
The
strong young man at the construction site was bragging
that
he could outdo anyone in a feat of strength. He made a
special
case of making fun of one of the older workmen.
After
several minutes, the older worker had enough.
"Why
don't you put your money where your mouth is," he said.
"I
will bet a week's wages that I can haul something in a
wheelbarrow
over to that outbuilding that you won't be able
to
wheel back."
"You're
on, old man," the braggart replied. "Let's see what
you
got." The old man reached out and grabbed the
wheelbarrow
by the handles. Then, nodding to the young man,
he
said, "All right. Get in."
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