Funny one liners from customers

I am delighted to announce the winner of the free BIHA competition (held last month in 2010). Airquee ( www.airquee.co.uk ) kindly offered to donate a free (1.5) Gibbons blower for the winner.

Congratulations to the winner who is: Mr Derek Lawrence. (“All Together
Bounce”).

Derek Lawrence’s winning entry (from one of his customers) was:

“I thought I’d call you to say that I’ve got no side entrance on the house and, if you arrive with the castle already inflated, you won’t be able to get it through my front door will you…?”

I was very pleased with the large number of entries that came in and it was extremely difficult to pick the winner…..

The runners-up are as follows:

1) “I would like to know if the adult bouncy castle bounces itself or do
we need to jump on it in order for it to bounce” Submitted by Darren (Arc
Bouncy castles).

2) Text message received from a customer. “Jun 11, 2009 17:38:05 – Hi
Pete. I don’t have a foot pump for the jumping castle just a bike pump. If you have a spare one that will do. Cheers”. Submitted by Peter (Jumping
Beanz)

3) When delivering a set of sumo suits a customer said, “I ordered a full
set with legs in like on your website”……….My answer was that you have to supply your own legs. I then had to explain that the legs were ACTUAL legs. Submitted by Annabelle (The Leisure People)

4) After explaining to a customer that in the event of high winds the
booking would have to be cancelled for safety reasons ..she replied.. “We will just make sure that the kids stay bouncing on the castle all day for the extra weight to keep it down.” After saying, no sorry, that won’t work.
She replied “Could I book the gladiator joust then as it is at ground level so it wouldn’t matter if there were high winds. Submitted by Clare and Carl (Carl’s Castles, Cardiff)

5) “But I thought the bouncy castle could go over the pond, then the kids
can’t fall in it” Submitted by Ian (VB Leisure)

6) Today after arriving at an indoor hire at our local village hall I
started bringing in some gear. I started with eight sandbags in their colour coded blue bags. After putting them in the middle of the hall my customer stopped me looking rather puzzled and said “I didn’t realise the castle came in eight parts, gosh it’s really small, can I have a bigger one please the kids all won’t fit on that “. She was deadly serious too….

Submitted by: Paul (Bouncealots)

7) On getting to a site we found there was a tree in the middle of the
site for an 18ft x 18ft castle. We asked the customer where would you like the castle put…”over there, I thought it would look rather nice with the tree in the middle”.

Submitted by Chris (Weymouth Bouncy Castles)

8) “Do you have a licence to carry cattle??” said a puzzled policeman who
stopped an operator late one night. When asked what he was carrying in the van, Tony replied “a bull”.

Submitted by Kate and Tony (Funtastic)

9) “How big are your 12ft x 12ft bouncy castles? Answer, just a bit
smaller than my living room….”Oh, that’s fine, can I book it?”

Submitted by Bonnie (Bonnies Bouncy Castles)

10) Carl had a set up of 2 castles and a ball pit which included 2
generators, fencing, the works. He went to the field to set up “you’re over there mate” right at the other end of the field – approx 60ft away. Ok – so Carl starts driving over “no! no vans on grass please” – even though he had driven on there 6 months previously and there was no change to the area.
Great, Carl thought – this is gonna take a while (he was alone – and was a gorgeous sunny day at 12pm-not a cloud to be seen!) – half hour or so later of dragging the kit across this 60ft gap and loading it in one big pile ready to set up – stood sweating getting his breath back, sipping bottle of water he gets a: ……………… “do you need a hand mate?”

Submitted by: Clare and Carl (Cardiff)

11) “Please could you paint your Princess bouncy castle pink, as we
didn’t want a purple and yellow one!” Submitted by: Stuart (Wight
Inflatables)

The eleven “runners-up” above (and the main winner) will all receive a FREE copy of a new ebook I promote: “How to earn £200+ per week from your digital camera – even from photos you would normally delete!” See:

www.cash-for-my-photos.com

This excellent ebook was written by a fellow photography enthusiast pal of mine – Chris Farrell – a DJ who used to present Club Classics on Heart FM a few years ago. It is a very interesting read if you enjoy taking photos with your digital camera (and wish to earn a few extra quid in between inflatable bookings). It’s well worth the £17 that it normally retails for.

I would like to say a huge thank you to all BIHA members who participated in this competition..and I am sorry if you did not win a prize this time around. It was an extremely difficult job to pick a winner, as all of the entries were of such a high standard.

Above all, I hope you all really enjoy reading these “one-liners” and there are definite safety lessons that can be learnt from many of them!

Below are all the one-liner entries that were submitted for this BIHA competition…….enjoy !!

BIHA Competition Entries – JUNE/JULY 2009

One-liners and funny comments from customers…….

1) “Do you have a licence to carry cattle?” said a policeman – very puzzled as he saw the shape of rodeo bull in an operator’s van.

2) “Do I turn the fan off when the bouncy castle is blown up?”

3) “I thought that the bouncy castle arrived already inflated?”

4) “Do I have to have the blower on – it’s making a lot of noise?”

5) “How do I know when it’s time for the children to come off?”.

6) “It won’t blow away will it”.

7) “No doubt during the credit crunch your business has been a bit UP and DOWN lately”

8) “If I had known a cleaning bill would follow I could have washed off the cow muck!”

9) “I thought it would take 4 hours to blow up the bouncy castle, and I was getting worried as I couldn’t find the foot pump!”

10) “But I thought the castle could go over the pond and then the Kids can’t fall in it”

11) You can throw the castle over that wall into the garden.

12) “Blimey, that a big one!”

13) “I’m not clearing up the dogs mess, it’s my missus dog!”

14) Tell me again – why can’t it go right up to the conservatory door!”

15) ‘Do you have to inflate the balloon’

16) ‘ It won’t fit! I didn’t think to measure the garden but we had it before in our last house’

17) ‘ Won’t it push the tree branch out of the way’

18) ‘That’s not it all in that roll is it?’

19) ‘Can we move the fan?’

20) ‘Is the fan on a timer or can we use it all day?’

21) ‘Won’t it pop if the fan is left on?’

22) ‘My husband has a compressor in the garage, can you do a discount if we don’t use yours?’

23) ‘Do you fill it with hot air?’

24) “Do you fill it with helium?”

25) ‘Its got a puncture, I can hear air escaping’

26) ‘Hubby’s just gone to get the cash and shopping – can you wait for a bit?’

27) ‘It’s rained all day, do I get a refund?’

28) ‘Is it OK if the dog gets on with the kids?’

29) Me: I’ll just get the blower then” Customer: “Oh, It’s OK, I’ve got a footpump in the shed!”

30) “Is it OK for our family dog to go on the bouncy castle and if so does he count as two small children as he has four legs?”

31) “I thought I’d call you to say that I’ve got no side entrance to the house and if you arrive with the bouncy castle already inflated, you won’t be able to get through the front door will you……?”

32) “When will the cut-off switch come on? I think the castle is about to blow up!”

33) “You must have a good set of lungs blowing that up all the while”.

34) “Can adults go on it?” (After a customer had signed a Terms and Conditions of Hire Form stating a maximum age of 14).

35) “Please could you paint your bouncy castle pink, as we didn’t want a purple and yellow one!”

36) “I am not very happy, I ordered sumo suits with legs like on your website” Madam, you have to supply your own legs!! What you saw on my website were ACTUAL legs.

37) O maybe I should have told you about the ford you have to pass through in order to reach my property.

38) “I thought you just blew the castle up , I didn’t know you needed electric for the blower!”

39) “I would like to know if the adult bouncy castle bounces itself, or do we need to jump on it in order to make it bounce?”

40) “The air can’t come out – it’s going to explode!!”

41) After explaining to a customer reasons we may cancel on the phone-that can’t put castles out in high winds at the risk of the castle being blown away “we will just make sure the kids stay bouncing all day for the extra weight to keep it down!” after saying no sorry that won’t work, asked if he could book the gladiator joust as it was at ground level so it wouldn’t matter……………

42) Carl had a set up of 2 castles and a ball pit which included 2 generators, fencing the works. Went to the field to set up “your over there mate” right at the other end of the field – approx 60ft away. Ok -so Carl starts driving over “no! no vans on grass please” – even though he had driven on there 6 months previously and there was no change to the area.
Great, Carl thought – this is gonna take a while (he was alone-and was a georgeous sunny day at 12pm-not a cloud to be seen!) – half hour or so later of dragging the kit across this 60ft gap and loading it in one big pile ready to set up-stood sweating getting his breath back, sipping bottle of water he gets a: ……………… “do you need a hand mate?”

43) “Can you give a discount? After all it is a Sunday!”

44) On returning from putting up a castle – we had a phone call from the client complaining that the castle had gone down….”the au pair has switched it off when the children weren’t using it and now it’s gone down!”

45) “Would you give a discount if it’s raining?” NO, and I don’t charge more if it’s sunny!!!!!”

46) “Yes, I would like to book your 12ft bouncy castle, but how big is it?”

47) “I would like to book a 16ft x 16ft bouncy castle…will it fit in my garden?”

48) “So does my daughter just bounce up and down on the castle”?

49) Hi Mark , the end of May this year, I hired a bouncy castle out to a family, who were celebrating their 4 year old boys’ birthday, when I got there, I was greeted by about 5 adults and about 10 excited children. I set the castle up and went to find the appropriate adult to discuss terms and conditions and to collect the payment for the hire of the castle. After going through terms and conditions with the lady who was hiring the castle (you know all the basics , no shoes, no food , no jewellery , e.t.c e.t.c. I was quite taken aback when I was told that , the children wouldn’t be using the castle straight away as they would all be eating first, so I kindly replied ‘Oh ok sure no worries’, and then to my sheer amazment, she then came out with ‘ It’s ok if they all have there dinner on the castle yes?’
after pausing for about 10 seconds in total disbelief, I realised that she was deadly serious and was planning for the adults to eat together at a table and then for about 10 to 15 children to all be served there dinner on the castle! Obviously I had to spend another 20 minutes then explaining that this was totally out of the question , and ran through AGAIN how dangerous it would be for the children , and how messy it would be for me. I still find that quite amazing and I think I probably will in many years to come!

50) Email to cancel bouncy castle booking.

“Hi,

We have a castle booked for Tuesday for our daughter’s birthday, I’m sorry we’ll have to cancel as she’s too tired, because she spent the weekend with the RAF.”

51) Here is my most recent and funny one liner “I am sorry to tell you this ,but you have air coming out of these seams” I replied keeping a straight face “well if its didn’t, it would blow up!”

52) ONE FUNNY THING HAPPENED 2 WEEKS AGO…

A LADY TEXT ME AND ASKED IF I HIRED A CASTLE AT A VENUE, AND CAN I HAVE YOUR NUMBER??,

I CALLED HER AND SHE SAID SHE WAS LOOKING FOR A HIRER THAT OPERATED A CASTLE AT THE VENUE AND SHE THOUGHT IT WAS ME (IT WASN’T)…SHE INSISTED IT WAS ME AND ASKED IF I WANTED TO MEET HER SOMETIME, I GLADLY DECLINED AS MY WIFE WOULDN’T BE TOO HAPPY!

53) On getting to a site we found there to be a tree in the middle of the site for an 18ft by 18 ft castle. We asked the customer where would you like the castle put…”over there, I thought it would look rather nice with the tree in the middle……”

54) Another woman’s garden was that plastered in dog pooh that we knocked her back door to tell her how disgusting it was , to which she replied handing a bag out the door, …..”well jolly well get on and pick it up then!!…”

55) Could I book a 12ft x 12ft Bouncy castle please and could you let me know the size?

56) “How big are your 12ft x 12ft Bouncy castles?” Answer : just a bit smaller than my living room. “Oh that’s fine, can I book it?”

57) “Should we turn the blower off at regular intervals to stop the castle from over-inflating and going bang”

58) I had one bloke say to me:

“I bet that castle has had more erections then me in the last 6 months!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

59) Turned up after a castle booking next day,

The customer + guests were still sat outside, I think they had been out there all night,

They still had alcohol in their hands, and the first comment as I walked past was:

“We’d offer you a beer or drink, but I think most of it is on your bouncy castle’!!”

60) This is an actual text message I received before dropping off a bouncy castle last week:-

“Jun 11, 2009 17:38:05 – Hi Pete. I don’t have a foot pump for the jumping castle just a bike pump. If you have a spare one that will do. Cheers”

61) Delivering a castle to a young wealthy couple in a large house, she said to me “You can put it up at the front, but I would prefer it around the back!”

She then went bright red as she thought about what she had just said….

62) One customer once ran after me knocked on the truck window and said;

“would you come back and listen to the castle I think its leaking!”

63) Whilst rolling up the castle at the end of the day’s hire……a four year old child of the customer pointed a toy gun at my partner and said:
“Give me the castle back now!”

64) Hi Mark,

We come across a lot of one liners but the one that springs to mind is that when dropping of a castle, the family already had a foot pump ready to blow up the castle – They were shocked to see the blower and did not realize such technology existed.

65) Another one liner is I advised a customer to use furniture polish on the slide to make it more slippy. When I went to collect the slide the family had used a whole bottle of Mr Sheen and were working their way through Mr Muscle.

66) Today after arriving at an indoor hire at our local village hall I started bringing in some gear. I started with eight sandbags in their colour coded blue bags. After putting them in the middle of the hall my customer stopped me looking rather puzzled and said “I didn’t realise the castle came in eight parts, gosh it’s really small, can I have a bigger one please the kids all won’t fit on that “. She was deadly serious too….

67) It reminds me when in the mid 1990’s I delivered an inflatable to a community hall. I dropped off the large coloured safety mat first, and when I returned from the van with the blower, the customer angrily said to me “I’m not paying £50 for the kids to jump on that all afternoon”. I explained that it was only the safety mat, and when I inflated the castle, she was a tad embarrassed.

68) We have been in business now for 11 years and have had some very funny comments. This weekend, we were putting out a castle for a new customer who had a very young child and was obviously a new parent with no previous experience. He said that when we set it up and inflated it, staked it down all within 10 minutes. “My God, I can’t get over how quickly you did that”.. “I thought that it would take about four hours to blow up and I would have had to have started puffing as I couldn’t find the foot pump !”.
He was so overjoyed about it all, and that we had delivered it a day early, that instead of shaking my hand, he proceeded to kiss me on the cheek. I might add that this is the first time that I have this type of gratitude from a client !

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